BusinessLawGuy's Blog

Whether you are an owner, manager, employee, parent, child, or whatever role you find yourself in the only thing you can control is yourself, which means your decisions, and your actions. When you try to control more than that and if you are aware, you realize your overall lack of control, Instead you realize whatever you have put in motion is subject to the responses and reactions of the others, whose decisions you’re trying to guide or control.

This doesn’t mean as an owner, parent, or whatever role you are in where are you are supposed to be “in charge” you shouldn’t make decisions that affect others. Instead, it means you need to understand how others react to those decisions may not be what you expect, let alone what you may be hoping for. And sometimes you need to make the hard decisions for what you feel are very good reasons. Other times, it may be in more important to speak with others where there is a trust relationship to obtain grounded feedback to help you make choices. Even when you do that, it doesn’t mean the actions of others will be what you want or expect.

This is brought home to me regularly in my role as an attorney. Many times I have a belief on the direction a client should take. Generally my clients listen to my recommendations along with the various options and follow the path I think is best. Other times they respectfully disagree and choose a different path. In my role there is a saying many clients and coworkers of mine have heard over the years. That is, as an attorney I make recommendations, but my clients make decisions. This type of situation applies to all situations where you are providing someone else with options, or even just a singular path. Your employee or child hopefully will listen with open ears, but the resulting action or response may not be what you hoped for or even anything that you considered as possible.

Of course, the seriousness of any situation is relevant to what we were talking about. Me directing a child to unload the dishwasher and being ignored, is different than making a decision with my partners that will affect all of the firms employees. Even if you spend time, considering an action or decision, or discussing it with others you trust, it doesn’t mean that, in the long run, it’s the right decision. Always remember that sometimes the fact of making a decision or taking an action is as important as the the decision itself. In hindsight you can decide whether it was the correct one. Indecision or inaction is the same thing or worse than a bad decision.

I suggest taking some time to think about recent important decisions or actions you took, which you believed to be important, whether in your professional and personal life. Think about what you did to come to the decision or action, and whether it worked out as you had hoped or expected. If it did, think about why, including whether the process you went through, including if you discussed it with others who were stakeholders in the decision, had any relation to the success or failure of the decision. If it didn’t turn out what you were expecting or hoped, analyze anything you could’ve done differently to achieve your desired result. Be open to the fact that the answer may be that you could’ve done nothing different and you are never going to achieve or reach a desired outcome.

Understand that everything is a work in progress because it generally is impossible to predict the reactions of the people your decision affects to fall in line with that decision or action. Spending the time to think about this is an investment in yourself and hopefully will lead to better decisions and better actions you have thought through when dealing with others in whatever roles you occupy.

I read somewhere when you are speaking with someone you should imagine them wearing a hat that says “Make me interesting.” The point is to ask questions that allow the other person to speak because the more someone speaks during a conversation, the better they think the conversation went. This is because people like talking generally, and talking about themselves specifically.

When you ask question make sure to listen to the answers. It’s a skill to fully listen to one or more people in a conversation. With new clients and others I test whether they are listening or, even if they are listening, whether they understood what I was saying, by asking them to repeat back to me the message or information I was trying to convey. You will be surprised at how often the other person wasn’t fully listening or took something from your words that is different than what you meant.

At times I struggle with active listening because my mind goes into overdrive on what I want to say or how I want to respond. In my role as an attorney I have to be able to think on my feet, immediately respond to questions from judges or clients, and all the while respond in a meaningful way that answers a question or drives home a position. This doesn’t help me be a better listener, but only a better advocate for my client. Turning this off in other conversations is difficult.

The struggle to listen is evident in conversations any of us have with clients, friends, and family. You may be thinking about a response to a question or position, or a story you want to share, but if you focus on what you want to say, you are not focusing on what you are saying. Maybe you are better at this than I am because I constantly am working to be a better listener and it is a work in progress.

A good reminder to yourself during a conversation is to remember that if your mouth is open, your ears are closed. You know the desire to interrupt someone to get a point across or tell them a relevant story, but you have to listen to really know what they said and what to say.

I notice when I focus on asking questions and on what the other person says my responses are more thoughtful and directed at what I understand the speaker is interested in discussing or trying to convey. I challenge myself to do this all of the time. Such a challenge or remembering to “Make me interesting” may help you to listen better in conversations too.

Don’t be too busy or self-important to miss an opportunity. Opportunities are everywhere, but you need to take notice and in the right case treat them like they can be life altering. We all have missed important opportunities. Of course you can learn from this happening, but looking back with regret is not a positive.

On the other had, if you are presenting me with an opportunity, grab my attention and blow my mind. Whether it’s for me or others I may know, you need to impress me, make me want to know more or invest in you, or spread what you have shared.

How do you make sure you don’t miss a great opportunity? It can be something general like just being nice to everyone. Was that millennial dressed more casual than you think she should be and seemingly on her phone too much a slacker or a tech innovator with a company more valuable than you can imagine. It is impossible to know and judging people on appearance will hurt you in today’s more casual world. Talk to someone and see what happens. The worst case is you waste a few minutes and cut the conversation short to escape. The best case is an opportunity you would have never had.

Sometimes a certain opportunity only comes along once. Don’t miss your chance.

In my world organization can mean many things including time management, having an organized office, or being organized in the work I am doing for cases generally and in relation to deadlines. As in all worlds, disorganization leads to disaster. It not only can make you late on your commitments, it can adversely affect your business and personal life. For me it can mean losing time (and therefore money) or malpractice if I miss certain types of deadlines. The point is we all have consequences if not organized, if we miss deadlines, or if we don’t meet the expectations we set for clients, customers, or our bosses.

We live in a “what have you done for me lately” world that demands that expectations not just to be met, but exceeded. These include your expectations of yourself. I consider myself to be well organized, but that is because I constantly am working on maintaining organization and control of my time, work space, and calendar. If you struggle in any of these areas you need to come up with SMART goals to help change this. It will be hard work, but you will be happy you did it if you stick it out and improve your organization skills.

Initially set your expectations low and gradually raise them. Becoming organized takes work. If you set the bar to high to start with you have a greater chance of failure and not improving, even incrementally. It also helps to let at least one other person know about your goals. Of course, doing this exposes you to potentially let others down in addition to yourself, but it also give you a better chance of success.

So how do you do this? It depends on you. Will lists and calendaring items keep you on track to meet or exceed expectations? Do you need another person, an accountability partner, to help keep you on track? There are many tools to better organize and keep on task. You have to know yourself well enough to know what will and won’t work for you. Of course, you then have to put what will work in motion and commit to it.

What can you do today, this week, this month, to better organize yourself and set yourself up for success on meeting and, hopefully, exceeding expectations? Answer this question, work it and see how it benefits you in business and generally.

If you are not sure where to start, I suggest you find someone you know who is successful and organized and see if they will formally or informally serve as a mentor or accountability partner for you. For insight on mentoring, I suggest you review an older blog post of mine: “Why Mentoring Matters?” https://69.16.209.165/~businesslawguy/2015/08/26/why-mentoring-matters/

A favorite saying of mine is “If we all were the same, the world would be a boring place.” I believe this to be true. Some people are more comfortable with people just like themselves. I don’t understand that manner of thinking because I believe diversity breeds innovation and opportunity and makes the world more interesting. It also can mean so many different things.

This comes into focus when you are in a group setting. It can be a team meeting at work, a non-profit board, or any other group setting. Having people with different backgrounds and experiences makes any group function better.

I always think of this when I listen to someone with a marketing or advertising background. Their ideas come to them easily and make so much sense, but my brain doesn’t work like theirs and I would never come up with the cool and creative ideas they do.

I bet many of you are thinking of diversity as a team with people from different racial or religious backgrounds. That is diversity and can bring different ideas and angles to a situation for sure. But how about people who grew up in different states, have different educational background, or more or
less professional experience. The world of differences is seemingly endless if you really think about it.

How you approach an issue or opportunity may be different between someone who grew up on a farm in the Midwest versus New York City, or someone with an engineering degree versus someone with a sociology degree, let alone no degree or college level education, or, in my world, an attorney with 25 years’ experience versus someone with 5 years’ experience. The differences can be endless, but they matter and make for better teams. 

If any of the terms or descriptors I used above describe you, your background, or your experience level, it is your individuality that makes you stand out to others. It also is your creativity and the ability to think
differently than others. If we all just fell into line with people just like us for the next corporate job or role where would innovation come from?

The point is to be open to ideas from others approaching the same situation differently than you. Listening well and thinking through ideas you never would have thought of will broaden your world and provide a better chance of success for whatever group you are in. Try it and see where things go.

Are you content with where you are in your career and, if so, why? Maybe you just want to do the same old and punch the clock. Sounds boring to me, but it could be your thing. For most of us we see there can be more. What that is depends, but, for you, there likely are many options. It’s like the books where you read a page and what page you go to next depends on the option you choose. The point is we each have the ability to choose our own paths.

You always can do more, move up, or maybe move out to move up. Determine your path or next step by always asking how you get to the next level, asking for more responsibilities, and what you need to learn. Asking let’s those you report to or who are above you know that you want to improve yourself and move forward in your career. You may think they assume you do, but if you don’t ask you are leaving it to chance. It’s likely others are asking and will pass you by if you are passive and show no affirmative interest. Of course those you report to could ask you, but may not. Know it’s up to you.

This isn’t about being “boss’s pet” or something similar. It’s about controlling what you can, which is showing interest, asking questions, and following it up with action. At the end of the day asking alone will get you nowhere, but your actions will, whether it’s a work related project or learning on topics you need to know to be able to advance in your given field. We all have blind spots and asking will help you eliminate some of them.

Once you have some answers or direction, it’s up to you to take the reins and ride into your future.

Go to new places and put yourself in new situations with new people. Don’t only stay in the places or with the people with whom you’re comfortable. You either get this or you don’t. If not, you need to think broader about the big world out there. No one grows by doing the same old with the same people every day.

When I heard “the world begins at the end of your street” the context was focused on travel to another city, another country, being exposed to other cultures and ideas. I think that context is important and everyone should try to go to new places. You can have a fun and interesting time in any city or town for at least a few days and nights. The point in this context is if you’re exposed to other places and people you may find somewhere you didn’t know and fall in love with. The person I heard say this is from Scotland, fell in love with Italy as a young man, and years later moved there. This happens.

In rolling the quote around my brain I was thinking about it in a more local and business focused way. Most people get up each morning, go through the same routine, go into their home office or where they work, later go home through their evening routine, and wake up to do it again. What if instead of following the worn path that may be your life you instead made plans to change it up?

This will mean different things depending on your line of work. For me I can get involved in other professional groups, whether made up of attorneys like me or a broader group of people, attend local or out of state conference related to the type of work I do, or join a recreational sports league or club. The options are endless depending on what interests you. The goal is to get into something new that expands you knowledge, circle of people, or opportunities. What that really means is up to you.

You should think about whether you’re in a rut and change could help you. Even if you’re not stuck in a rut, what can you do or change to expand you horizons and opportunities? Take some time to think this through and see what you come up with. If you find something or somewhere cool you think I would like, let me know!

A lot of people sugarcoat what they say to save other’s feelings. This is good in theory, but detrimental to your business. If you cannot have honest, hard conversations with your peers and employees, what does that say about your business? Who are you training them to be (or not)?

It reminds me of a quote from Zig Ziglar: “The only thing worse than training employees and losing them is not training them and keeping them.” True statement. If you can’t be honest with peers and employees it will be an element of your company’s cultural. It likely will put your company on a path to harder times and lower results.

I have heard hard conversations referred to as “courageous conversations.” The truth is this refers to difficult conversations usually dealing with a performance issue, an attitude issue, a disagreement on an important business issue or something similar. These types of conversations need to happen in a timely manner to have the best effect, i.e. provide constant feedback in real time and not months later during a review process.

There is a mountain of information online and numerous books on this topic. What they generally say is that as part of sharing negative information, you also should accentuate the positive. If you manage people you should read and speak to others to learn how to have hard conversations, which do not come naturally for most people. That is how you can make difficult conversations constructive and a benefit to you, the other person, and your business.

Of course, you can and should tailor what you are going to say based on who you are speaking with. But don’t make ignoring or sugarcoating important matters part of your company’s culture. If you do, nothing will change and opportunities will be lost.