Archives for June 2024

Being grateful

Many attorneys (and I assume others) have this somewhat canned response when someone asks them how it’s going. It’s generally some version of “It’s another day” or “Different day, same stuff.” The message being communicated is that the day and stuff is the same, is a slog, and what they’re saying is negative in tone. They focus on the negative and not what they have to be positive about or grateful for. Maybe they truly feel that way. I feel at times that it’s some odd form of attorney bonding on the alleged misery of the work being done, their career choice, or maybe they think it rings more true than telling the other person they’re doing well and work is great.

Mindset and intention matter. Any of us can control our feelings and emotions in a manner that allows us to be happy or causes us to be sad. Know that statement has nothing to do with those who suffer from depression or a similar condition. Instead it has to do with the negative and positive loops we sometimes allow ourselves to spiral in. And yes, there is a cliché for this, which is about seeing the glass half empty or half full. Even if you’re a glass half empty person you likely have so much to be grateful for, from things you take for granted to things you know are great and bring you joy.

I am happy in my work and enjoy helping clients deal with both positive and negative situations looking towards the best result they can achieve. Despite that, when another attorney asks me how I’m doing I sometimes unconsciously lapse into the “it’s another day” mindset. I think it’s a commiseration thing with certain people I know. On some days it is a true answer. If I’m honest with myself, on most days it’s not and I feel lucky that’s the case. I like walking into my office and my work, clients, and co-workers.

A good exercise is to write a list of things you’re grateful for. It can be in your personal life, your professional life, or both. If you want to be transparent with yourself you can do the same on things that are negative in your life because, being honest, we all have positives and negatives going on everyday. Realizing what you have to be grateful for does positive things for your body and brain. And remember, you’re the only one who can decide whether you focus on positives or negatives on a given day or in a given moment.

Right now is a good time to take a moment to think about what you have to be grateful for and the next time someone asks you how you’re doing, provide the honest answer instead of unconsciously resorting to the canned negative one.

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Inspiration matters so don’t lose yours

Inspiration can hit you anytime. When it does, you know it instantly. Many times it is inconvenient. When this happens, you have to take steps to not lose it.

It happens to me at different times and all the time. It can be in the middle of the night, when I’m at my desk working, when I’m in a conversation, or at what is likely a very inconvenient time. When it does I use the Notes app on my phone. Pen and  paper work, but your phone is with you all the time. You want access to those thoughts and notes and the app provides easy access. For me, if I don’t write down my thoughts at the time they come to me I usually lose them. That’s right, my moment of brilliance lost, possibly forever.

Just know you have to record your thoughts when the inspiration hits and revisit them. If not, the time you took to write them down will be wasted. Find a way to remind yourself to revisit inspiring thoughts when you have the time to really think them through. Otherwise you risk not acting on the thoughts that deserve further thought and action. Don’t lose that fantastic thing that popped into your brain.

If you don’t record your inspiration, it is like being a musician who didn’t record that melody that came into their head, and losing a possible hit. Or what if you are an author and you lose a great plot twist for the book you’re writing. We all have an equivalent masterpiece related to what we do for a living. Figuring out the steps you can take to make sure you do not lose your inspiration hopefully will prevent you losing your equivalent of a number one hit or best selling book.

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Focus: multi-tasking is a way to do many things halfway at the same time

What are  you doing right now? Are you focusing on reading these words, or do you have an eye on your email, texts, social media, or maybe all of them?  Or are you on the phone?  We all think we can do this and do it well, but the truth is we can’t. Real multi-tasking is not achievable.

When I am on the phone during the day, I can hear the keyboard and mouse clicks on the other end of the line. I try to be optimistic and think they are taking notes or looking up something relevant to the conversation. But the reality is they are checking email or surfing the internet. The true clue is when they ask you to repeat what you said multiple times during an 8 or 10 minute call.

The truth is that this is the same as looking at emails and texts while in a meeting or at lunch with someone. Doing so in a meeting means you’re checked out. If you are one who checks your phone while at coffee or lunch with someone you are telling them that they are not as important as whatever is on your phone. This isn’t a good message to send to anyone.

The fact is that it’s very hard to focus on two things (or more) at once. A good exercise is to try for a week to focus on what is in front of you. If you have a meeting, don’t bring your phone, leave it in your pocket or purse, or turn it off. Figure out what will work for you to focus on what’s in front of you. When you’re on the phone, leave that mouse alone and keep things that interest you off of the screens in front of you. Maybe get up and walk around the room instead of staring at your screens and trying not to check email or that webpage.

Remember that this is about respect for others and focus on the conversation. If you do so you will see that it’s amazing what you learn when you actually listen.

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Real life is hard

My dad died last week. Writing that I’m still in disbelief that it happened. Where I’m sitting now is so different than where I was a week ago. My dad was in the hospital supposedly on the road to recovery and I was deep in preparation for an arbitration hearing scheduled to start this week. Now I am sitting in my office with no dad and a cancelled arbitration hearing trying to support my mom and family, as well as my clients – yes, it’s good to other things to focus on while you grieve.

This is hard. Life is hard. You know this because we all deal with hard, frustrating, and sad events and moments. Maybe someone you’re close to passed away or you were laid off or fired. The list of things that happen that make life difficult at times is long and depends on the person.

No matter what you’re dealing with there are things you can do to help yourself. First, do not keep to yourself. Find others you know and trust to speak with and help you think through the situation, grieve with you, or otherwise be part of your way to process the situation and make your way through it. You may be able to get through it on your own but it will be easier for you if let others help you.

That being said, it is hard to let others in to help you. You may just want someone to listen or instead want thoughts and ideas on whatever you’re dealing with. Let them know what you need because people are inherently good and willing to help but it’s up to you to let them know how they can best help you.

I regularly say there is a good and bad with all. Despite the sadness of losing someone, let alone a parent, the good has been the connection and reconnection with family members and friends, some of whom I hadn’t spoken to in years. It also has been the kind words of people who knew my dad differently than I did. I have heard from professionals who knew and dealt with him for over 40 years before he retired to people who knew him socially or through organizations he was involved with. The kind words and seeing him through their eyes has been helpful and special. In some ways it made me miss him more.

What this experience has and is reminding me of is the importance of connection and letting people in to help. If you are struggling with something or grieving try to let someone in or if you know someone who is try to be the one who offers a helping hand, listens, and helps someone else through a hard time. It’s this shared experience that makes life amazing even during difficult times.

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