Posts with category - mentor

Missed Connections: Don’t Judge People Unless You Know Them

Posted on: April 20, 2016, in: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I saw a video this morning titled “Millennials Show Us What “Old” Looks Like” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYdNjrUs4NM&feature=youtu.be). While it is hard to hear twenty and thirty somethings say they consider people in their 40’s to be old, it got me to thinking about the conscious and unconscious biases we all have. Spoiler alert: in the video they introduce the millennials to “older” people and they realize some or all of their perceptions of age and what is old were wrong. These biases are about more than just age and can impact your professional and personal network in a negative way.

Think about what crosses you mind when you are at a restaurant and a gentleman at the table next to you has an earring or a woman has a nose ring, or someone has sleeve of tattoos on their arm. Some of you are thinking “why would they do that to themselves” or “they clearly aren’t on a professional business track.” Others are thinking nothing at all because to you it is within the range of norms for people you know or deal with. The difference in perception may be because of your age, how you were raised or something else in your background. But the person you may think has a low level or blue collar type job may be a doctor, a nurse, an investment advisor, own a successful business, etc.

What comes into your mind first is unconscious, and we all do have biases, whether we admit it or not. Making assumptions without knowing someone is problematic on many levels. By doing so, you may avoid a person at a social or business event who may be a great connection for you or someone you would connect with on a personal level. And remember, everyone has these biases and it may cause them to avoid you too.

So what can you do about this? Truly try to be more open minded and embrace other’s differences. Next time you have an opportunity, start a conversation with the person you usually would avoid. The worst that can happen is they are not interesting or a good connection. If so, it is easy to say “nice to have met you” and move on. It is better to waste a few minutes than miss an opportunity.

I always say “if we were all the same the world would be a boring place.” I believe that to be true. Branch out beyond your norm or comfort zone and see what happens!

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Don’t be Afraid of Failure: Get Out of Your Bubble and Be Your Best Self

Posted on: April 12, 2016, in: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Without failure you will not succeed to the level you otherwise have the ability to reach. Wayne Gretzky said “You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” How true. People are seriously afraid to fail. People are seriously afraid to have someone tell them the failed. Or were wrong. People simply are afraid of criticism, even when it is constructive criticism.

Because of this a large percentage of the population would rather live in a bubble where they do enough to get by, but not take risks that can lead them to another level and greater success. Why? Again, people do not like to hear negative reviews regarding their work or actions, ignoring that it is as hard to provide constructive negative feedback as it is to take it. Failures and constructive negative feedback can be learned from in ways success from maintaining the status quo will never provide.

The truth is that if you have not failed you are not trying to be your best self. If you are okay with maintaining the status quo, but not improving, keep doing the same thing and you will continue to have the same results. But do so at your own peril because while you stay in your bubble, someone more aggressive, younger, etc., will come along and pass you by. Maybe this won’t upset your apple cart and your bubble will remain intact, but are you really okay with it when those people pass you by and later leave you in the dust?

Eleanor Roosevelt said “Do one thing every day that scares you.” What scares you is different for all of us. Maybe it is setting aside five to ten minutes each morning to call someone from your list of contacts or who you want to connect with just to say “Hi” and stay in their mind. Maybe it is setting a coffee or lunch with someone you met, but don’t really know, who could lead you to business or good connections. Maybe it is agreeing to be a presenter at a seminar. Maybe it is asking people for business. It can take limitless forms, but each day you don’t do something that scares you is another day you stay in your bubble not striving to do better.

So what are you going to do today to get out of your bubble?

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Do You Love the Life You Live?

Posted on: March 09, 2016, in: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The other week my wife was driving with our 10 and 7 year olds in her car. The 10 year old, out of nowhere, said “I am living the live I want to live.” Before my wife could say anything in response, my daughter asked her younger brother if he is living the life he wants to live. His response was “No.” That response was followed by the statement “If I was living the life I want to live I would be in Madagascar observing chameleons, lemurs and fossas.” No, I didn’t know what a fossa was either without looking it up (See below). But this conversation got me thinking about my daughter’s question as it relates to adults, business and life.

Work is about fulfillment more than money; at least it should be. This is one things millennials have right – the want to do something that they think matters. Of course what matters to each of us is personal and different, but it still should drive you to seek out work that fulfills you or about which you are passionate. Money helps, but not day to day with a career you don’t enjoy. Don’t envy those who don’t work because they are empty and unsatisfied at the core. Try to have a job and build a career you love, but don’t assume just because you are passionate about it you will get rich.

It’s okay to have a job others consider mediocre to support your life and hobbies if you are doing something you like. If you are not, then you have a mediocre job and likely a mediocre life. Some people don’t have a choice or access to a job or career with upward mobility. They really may hate what they are paid to do for work every day. When you have a choice, it seems obvious that someone will not take what they and others may consider to be a mediocre job unless it will fulfill them or otherwise let them live the life they want to live.

For instance, I know someone who, while actually highly educated and employed, spent the first decade of their career working enough to save money to travel the world, not to advance a career or earn more money. Those of us who were working to build a career at that time couldn’t imagine taking a year off to travel the world and then doing the same thing every few years to travel and be immersed in a foreign culture. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous when I would get that person’s emails to friends and family during the various lengthy travels and read about great adventures and their time to think and do without constant pull on their attention.

So I think it is a good question to ask yourself: Are you living the life you want to live? I am thinking professionally, but obviously it can be about all or any part of your life. If your answer is no, will you do anything about it?

 

ps. The fossa is a carnivore that is related to a mongoose and looks like a cross between a puma and a dog. Fossas are nocturnal creatures that hunt almost any animal including insects, reptiles, rodents and lemurs. They also prey on chickens in and around Malagasy villages and are hunted by local people as vermin.

Fossa are active both in trees and on the ground and are excellent climbers using their long tails for balance and retractable claws for climbing straight up and down tree trunks.

 

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Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken!

Posted on: February 03, 2016, in:

The subject of this blog post is a great quote from Oscar Wilde. And it rings true because it is better to be an honest version of yourself than a fake version of someone else. Everyone has heard the saying “fake it till you make it,” but being yourself from the start will get you farther in life.

Many people in our society have people they want to emulate, many times only seeing the public image and knowing nothing about the person. It could be a musician, an actress, a politician, or someone else in the public eye. But it also could be a professional or an entrepreneur. It can be about something specific or superficial, like how someone dresses, the type of car they drive or how their hair looks. It also can be bigger picture or innate qualities people are drawn to, like attitude, dealing with others or how you carry yourself.

Instead of trying to be exactly like someone you look up to, find qualities in others that you like or are drawn to and try incorporate them into your life. It may or may not work because it may or may not be who you are. And that is the goal, to discover and be the best you. This is what will give you the best chance at success personally and professionally.

A good way to do this is to find a good mentor to help you be a better you. By this, I mean you can seek guidance that will help you to carve out your own style or way of doing things. People will remember you if you do things your own way, well, along with your positive unique characteristics. If you are similar to someone else in my world there is a good chance I will remember that person before you. If you are your own unique self it is more likely I, and other people, will remember you.

This may or may not matter to you in your personal life, but it does for most of us in our business life. You know “out of sight, out of mind.” You will be more successful if you dance to your own drummer and are someone who comes to mind. So embrace your similarities and differences to other, including what you are passionate about, and be yourself!

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