BusinessLawGuy's Blog

If you compare your life with that of others around you, especially those you believe to be more successful or happy than you, you will be unhappy in your life. Teddy Roosevelt said “Comparison is the thief of joy” more than a century ago and it still rings true today. The point is to not be envious of others or, more accurately, of what you perceive the success or happiness of others to be.

Just because you think someone has a better job title or seems to have more money than you doesn’t mean it’s true. The person you view as a “higher up” may hate the position they are in or constantly be under high levels of stress. The person who seems to have money may be living on credit cards and other debt in a house of cards on the edge of a financial collapse. Not making assumptions is a topic for another day but definitely applies here.

Similarly, don’t be vindictive. Don’t try to get even. Doing so never is the right course of action. If you do try to get even, it reveals that the only one keeping score is you, and that you are the one losing. Plus, it takes time to build a good reputation and mere seconds to destroy it.

This leads to something else that is important. Do your best at whatever it is you do and let what happens happen. Do so in a way that is honest and allows you to look back with no regrets. If you don’t do this and instead step on others to lift yourself up, the person you “run over” may be the vindictive sort too. If that persons tries to get even it will waste your time and take your focus from the things you need to or would rather be focusing on.

Embracing the uniqueness of your own journey rather than constantly measuring it against others is a path for achieving or maintaining happiness. Comparing yourself to others only steals the joy you could find in your own achievements and experiences. Instead, try to reach and maintain a mindset of contentment in which you celebrate your successes and setbacks without the need for vindication. By focusing on yourself, you can stay the course on your own path without the shadows of comparison dimming your light.

Poor time management limits success more than most people realize. The people you work for, whether bosses or clients, will notice if you show up late or miss a deadline. When you do it reflects poorly on you and your company, and how you deal with being called out does too. If you struggle with punctuality, you need to fix that now.

Being casually late to a social event is acceptable, but being late to a business meeting isn’t. Showing up late to a business meeting sends a few different messages including that the meeting isn’t important or a priority or that other people or work is more important. None of these are good messages to send to co-workers or clients.

For attorneys, that business meeting may be with a client or a court hearing. It is a bad look to show up late for court and will affect the judge’s perception of you. With clients, they expect me to be on time for meetings and calls with them and on top of the deadlines in their matters. If I am not, in addition to whatever bad message it sends to the client on the importance of their matter to me, it could negatively affect my ability to achieve their desired goal or outcome. This will lead to the reality that someone who you do wrong is more likely to let many people know about their negative experience with you thereby negatively affecting your reputation.

For other lines of work, not being on time or meeting deadlines will affect promotions and raises, potential sales, or getting that new customer or client. Bosses and customers alike want people who do what they say they will when they said they will. Whatever your job, there are many others doing what you do and who will do what they say when they say. Differentiating yourself by not doing so will keep you stuck in place or, worse yet, out of a job.

If you struggle showing up on time or with other deadlines there are many tools at your disposal that can help. Every computer you use, from the desktop computer to your phone, has programs with alarms and reminders that alert you to upcoming meetings to deadlines. You can set these for what works for you or in relation to a specific deadline. This may mean a 5 minute warning before the start of a meeting or call or a two week lead time on the deadline for a big project you’re working on. The point is you can set one or more reminders and alerts depending on what works for you.

If you have challenges with this you know it and you can work on doing better. If this is you, work on what you can do to change generally and using the tools available to you. Doing so will provide you with the best chance at professional success.

Many people sugarcoat what they say to save other’s feelings. I think this is because most people shy aware from potentially confrontational conversations or don’t know how to effectively communicate something negative or that is constructive criticism. If you are unable or unwilling to have honest, hard conversations with your peers and employees it’s detrimental to your business. It also effectively trains the next generation of up and coming leaders to continue a work environment in which communicating about negative topics or trying to course correct doesn’t happen.

It reminds me of a quote from Zig Ziglar: “The only thing worse than training employees and losing them is not training them and keeping them.” This is true because if you can’t be honest with peers and employees, it becomes part of your company’s cultural. In such an instance your company likely is headed for lower results and isn’t a place employees will want to work long-term.

I have heard hard conversations referred to as “courageous conversations.” These types of hard or difficult conversations usually deal with performance issues, attitude issues, disagreements on important business issues, or the like. These conversations need to happen or your business will suffer. Importantly, they need to happen in a timely manner to have the best effect.

There is much information online and numerous books on this topic. The general gist is that as part of sharing negative information, you also must accentuate the positive. If you manage people you should spend time to learn about having hard conversations because they do not come naturally for most people. The goal is to make difficult conversations constructive and a benefit to you, the other person, and your business.

In having difficult conversations you can and should tailor what you are going to say based on who you’re speaking with. If it helps, practice what you plan to say or use an outline. If you instead default to sugarcoating important conversations and messages it will be part of your company’s culture, nothing will change, and opportunities will be lost.

Many attorneys (and I assume others) have this somewhat canned response when someone asks them how it’s going. It’s generally some version of “It’s another day” or “Different day, same stuff.” The message being communicated is that the day and stuff is the same, is a slog, and what they’re saying is negative in tone. They focus on the negative and not what they have to be positive about or grateful for. Maybe they truly feel that way. I feel at times that it’s some odd form of attorney bonding on the alleged misery of the work being done, their career choice, or maybe they think it rings more true than telling the other person they’re doing well and work is great.

Mindset and intention matter. Any of us can control our feelings and emotions in a manner that allows us to be happy or causes us to be sad. Know that statement has nothing to do with those who suffer from depression or a similar condition. Instead it has to do with the negative and positive loops we sometimes allow ourselves to spiral in. And yes, there is a cliché for this, which is about seeing the glass half empty or half full. Even if you’re a glass half empty person you likely have so much to be grateful for, from things you take for granted to things you know are great and bring you joy.

I am happy in my work and enjoy helping clients deal with both positive and negative situations looking towards the best result they can achieve. Despite that, when another attorney asks me how I’m doing I sometimes unconsciously lapse into the “it’s another day” mindset. I think it’s a commiseration thing with certain people I know. On some days it is a true answer. If I’m honest with myself, on most days it’s not and I feel lucky that’s the case. I like walking into my office and my work, clients, and co-workers.

A good exercise is to write a list of things you’re grateful for. It can be in your personal life, your professional life, or both. If you want to be transparent with yourself you can do the same on things that are negative in your life because, being honest, we all have positives and negatives going on everyday. Realizing what you have to be grateful for does positive things for your body and brain. And remember, you’re the only one who can decide whether you focus on positives or negatives on a given day or in a given moment.

Right now is a good time to take a moment to think about what you have to be grateful for and the next time someone asks you how you’re doing, provide the honest answer instead of unconsciously resorting to the canned negative one.

Inspiration can hit you anytime. When it does, you know it instantly. Many times it is inconvenient. When this happens, you have to take steps to not lose it.

It happens to me at different times and all the time. It can be in the middle of the night, when I’m at my desk working, when I’m in a conversation, or at what is likely a very inconvenient time. When it does I use the Notes app on my phone. Pen and  paper work, but your phone is with you all the time. You want access to those thoughts and notes and the app provides easy access. For me, if I don’t write down my thoughts at the time they come to me I usually lose them. That’s right, my moment of brilliance lost, possibly forever.

Just know you have to record your thoughts when the inspiration hits and revisit them. If not, the time you took to write them down will be wasted. Find a way to remind yourself to revisit inspiring thoughts when you have the time to really think them through. Otherwise you risk not acting on the thoughts that deserve further thought and action. Don’t lose that fantastic thing that popped into your brain.

If you don’t record your inspiration, it is like being a musician who didn’t record that melody that came into their head, and losing a possible hit. Or what if you are an author and you lose a great plot twist for the book you’re writing. We all have an equivalent masterpiece related to what we do for a living. Figuring out the steps you can take to make sure you do not lose your inspiration hopefully will prevent you losing your equivalent of a number one hit or best selling book.

What are  you doing right now? Are you focusing on reading these words, or do you have an eye on your email, texts, social media, or maybe all of them?  Or are you on the phone?  We all think we can do this and do it well, but the truth is we can’t. Real multi-tasking is not achievable.

When I am on the phone during the day, I can hear the keyboard and mouse clicks on the other end of the line. I try to be optimistic and think they are taking notes or looking up something relevant to the conversation. But the reality is they are checking email or surfing the internet. The true clue is when they ask you to repeat what you said multiple times during an 8 or 10 minute call.

The truth is that this is the same as looking at emails and texts while in a meeting or at lunch with someone. Doing so in a meeting means you’re checked out. If you are one who checks your phone while at coffee or lunch with someone you are telling them that they are not as important as whatever is on your phone. This isn’t a good message to send to anyone.

The fact is that it’s very hard to focus on two things (or more) at once. A good exercise is to try for a week to focus on what is in front of you. If you have a meeting, don’t bring your phone, leave it in your pocket or purse, or turn it off. Figure out what will work for you to focus on what’s in front of you. When you’re on the phone, leave that mouse alone and keep things that interest you off of the screens in front of you. Maybe get up and walk around the room instead of staring at your screens and trying not to check email or that webpage.

Remember that this is about respect for others and focus on the conversation. If you do so you will see that it’s amazing what you learn when you actually listen.

My dad died last week. Writing that I’m still in disbelief that it happened. Where I’m sitting now is so different than where I was a week ago. My dad was in the hospital supposedly on the road to recovery and I was deep in preparation for an arbitration hearing scheduled to start this week. Now I am sitting in my office with no dad and a cancelled arbitration hearing trying to support my mom and family, as well as my clients – yes, it’s good to other things to focus on while you grieve.

This is hard. Life is hard. You know this because we all deal with hard, frustrating, and sad events and moments. Maybe someone you’re close to passed away or you were laid off or fired. The list of things that happen that make life difficult at times is long and depends on the person.

No matter what you’re dealing with there are things you can do to help yourself. First, do not keep to yourself. Find others you know and trust to speak with and help you think through the situation, grieve with you, or otherwise be part of your way to process the situation and make your way through it. You may be able to get through it on your own but it will be easier for you if let others help you.

That being said, it is hard to let others in to help you. You may just want someone to listen or instead want thoughts and ideas on whatever you’re dealing with. Let them know what you need because people are inherently good and willing to help but it’s up to you to let them know how they can best help you.

I regularly say there is a good and bad with all. Despite the sadness of losing someone, let alone a parent, the good has been the connection and reconnection with family members and friends, some of whom I hadn’t spoken to in years. It also has been the kind words of people who knew my dad differently than I did. I have heard from professionals who knew and dealt with him for over 40 years before he retired to people who knew him socially or through organizations he was involved with. The kind words and seeing him through their eyes has been helpful and special. In some ways it made me miss him more.

What this experience has and is reminding me of is the importance of connection and letting people in to help. If you are struggling with something or grieving try to let someone in or if you know someone who is try to be the one who offers a helping hand, listens, and helps someone else through a hard time. It’s this shared experience that makes life amazing even during difficult times.

Failure is an important part of success. Hockey great Wayne Gretzky once said “You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” How true. This true statement recognizes that people are seriously afraid to fail. Similarly, people are seriously afraid to have someone tell them they failed or did something incorrectly. The fact is that most people are afraid of criticism, even when it is constructive criticism.

Because of this a large percentage of the population would rather live in a bubble where they do enough to get by, but not take risks that can lead them to another level and greater success. You may ask why would people not try their best to succeed but many people are comfortable flying under the radar only doing what is needed and nothing more. Again, people do not like to hear negative feedback or reviews regarding their work or actions, ignoring that it is as hard to provide constructive negative feedback as it is to take it. You can learn from constructive negative feedback in ways “success” from maintaining the status quo will never provide.

The truth is that if you have not failed you are not trying to be your best self. If you are okay with maintaining the status quo, but not improving, keep doing the same thing and you will continue to have the same results. But you do so at your own peril because while you stay in your bubble, someone more aggressive, willing to take risks, younger, etc., will come along and pass you by. Maybe this won’t bother you, but will you really be okay with it when those people pass you by and later leave you in the dust?

Eleanor Roosevelt said “Do one thing every day that scares you.” What scares each of us is different. Maybe it is setting aside five to ten minutes each morning to call someone from your list of contacts or who you want to connect with just to say “Hi” and stay in their mind. Maybe it is setting a coffee or lunch with someone you met, but don’t really know, who could lead you to new business or good connections. Maybe it is agreeing to be a presenter at a seminar. Maybe it is asking people for business. It can take limitless forms, but each day you don’t do something that scares you is another day you stay in place not striving to do better. Is that what you really want?

This morning I was clearing out old email and found a link to video from a number of years ago. The video is titled “Millennials Show Us What “Old” Looks Like” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYdNjrUs4NM&feature=youtu.be). I was reminded about what I thought when I first saw it years ago, which is the big picture idea that people judge others based on their own biases and lack of knowledge. It could be based on age, as in the video, or on appearance or some other shallow reason that has nothing to do with who the person is. We all do it even when we are conscious of the idea that we generally have more in common with others than difference.

What I’m referring to are the conscious and unconscious biases we all have. For some watching the video it will be hard to hear twenty and thirty somethings say they consider people in their 40’s to be old, but it caused me to think about conscious and unconscious bias in broader contexts including in my professional world. Spoiler alert: in the video they introduce the millennials to “older” people and they realize some or all of their perceptions of age and what is old were wrong. Of course, the biases we all have are about more than just age and can impact your professional and personal network in a negative way.

What crosses you mind when you are at a restaurant and a gentleman at the table next to you has earrings or a woman has a nose ring, or someone has sleeve of tattoos on their arm. Some of you are thinking “why would they do that to themselves” or “they clearly aren’t on a professional business track.” Others are thinking nothing at all because to you it is within the range of norms for people you know or deal with. The difference in perception may be because of your age, how you were raised or something else in your background. But the person you may think has a low level or blue collar type job may be a doctor, a nurse, an investment advisor, own a successful business, etc. This goes back to the old adage about what happens if you assume.

What comes into your mind first is unconscious, and we all do have biases, whether we want to admit it. Making assumptions without knowing someone is problematic on many levels. By doing so, you may avoid a person at a social or business event who would be a great connection for you or someone you would connect with on a personal level. And remember, everyone has these biases and it may cause them to avoid you too.

So what can each of us do about this? I urge you to try to be more open minded and embrace other’s differences. Next time you have an opportunity, start a conversation with the person you usually would avoid. The worst that can happen is they are not interesting or a good connection. If so, it is easy to say “nice to have met you” and move on. It is better to waste a few minutes than miss an opportunity.

I always say “if we were all the same the world would be a boring place.” I believe that to be true. Put this into practice by branching out beyond your comfort zone and see what happens.

We all have values we live and work by whether or not we actually spend the time to think about it. Stopping to consider the behaviors needed to meet your values is an important exercise because values are abstract concepts such as quality, timeliness, or integrity. On the other hand, behaviors are concrete actions we each take or don’t take.

I saw one definition of values as “a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.” Whatever values you have require certain behaviors to meet your values. The flipside is that there are many behaviors that are in direct conflict with your values. The challenge is to work to behave in a manner that is in line with your values at all times. Of course, this is harder than it seems.

For example, I pride myself on producing quality legal work in a timely manner. I can draft a quality contract or legal brief within the time frame I need to only if I set behaviors to allow me to meet these values. It may be calendaring when to start work on a project, not just the due date. It may be blocking time to focus only on the project by closing my office door, ignoring emails, and putting my phone on do not disturb (I know this goes against the multi-tasking world we all inhabit these days, but be honest, can any of us truly multi-task well?). If I take these types of actions it is more likely I will meet my values related to work quality and timeliness.

It is a worthwhile exercise to spend time thinking about your values and how you work. Once you can outline the values you have or want to achieve, you then need to spend time on outlining the behaviors that will help you meet each value you have identified. After you take the time and energy to do this, I suggest you keep a list or document of the values and related behaviors where you can review it easily and often. Doing so is an investment in yourself, will help you focus on your values and behaviors, and will give you the best chance to do so successfully.