BusinessLawGuy's Blog

Recently I was speaking with a young attorney who was lamenting the workload and hours the partners at his firm expected of him and talking about his time at night and on the weekends being his time, not theirs. This struck me because when I was a young attorney I expected to work hard and do whatever was asked of me as I learned a profession. I think that attitude and hard work taught me the profession of law and was part of the road to any professional success i have had. The point is I didn’t expect the it to be easy or to just fall backwards into success; I expected to put in time and energy investing in my potential future success.

When people see someone achieve success it may seem like it was overnight or not too hard. If that’s you, know there is no such thing as instant success or success without putting in hard work. If you’re not willing to do it, others will and they will achieve more than you and be promoted past you even when you have more experience. You’ll be left to wonder why and how it happened. If you’re good with that then keep on doing what you’re doing. If not, maybe you need to decide what it’s worth to you to do more. There is no shame in either path. It’s your choice to make.

If these thoughts sounds harsh, they are. As the title says, life isn’t easy. The road to success is paved with all types of impediments. Only you can choose which road to take when opportunity presents itself. Really, I’m talking about investing in yourself and making the choices that will give you the chance for success because working hard gives you the opportunity but not the guaranty of success. The reality check is that if you don’t work hard you definitely have no real chance for success.

I know some people may be thinking that their vision of success and mine differ greatly. Maybe or maybe not. My vision of success is doing a good job for whoever you work for, whether your employer or its clients or customers, to be able to earn a fair living that allows you to a decent lifestyle in the time you do spend away from work. There is a lot of room in that for all different types and levels of success.

The fact is life is a lot of ups and downs personally and professionally. Challenges come from every corner all the time. How you approach these challenges is up to you. Accepting that life is hard allows you to acknowledge there only is so much you can control and that includes your attitude, your mood, your reaction to and energy put towards those challenges, and what you’re willing to do to reach your version of success. So what are you willing to do to invest in yourself and your potential success?

Each of us is a part of group in relation to our work. You’re part of the company where you work, but probably also are part of smaller formal groups comprised of you and co-workers, as well as part of other professional, industry, or similar groups outside of your company. In every group there is a dynamic of those who speak and those who generally don’t. There also is a dynamic of those who interrupt or ignore those patiently and quietly waiting to speak. This usually leads to the same person or people driving the discussion and the decisions made by the group. This isn’t necessarily bad, but it can lead to a loss of potential ideas for the group to consider on a given topic or issue.

My experience in groups is that there usually are three types of participants. The first is the type who is or fancies themselves to be a leader with good ideas who always speaks up and offers their ideas and opinions. The second is the type who speaks up on topics they know about or which are important to them. The third is the type who is not comfortable speaking in a group setting even when they have a good idea or thought to add to a discussion. These diverse personalities each bring something to the table.

I want to focus on the third group. These people don’t speak often, but when they do it generally is something important to the conversation. The may raise their hand instead of just speaking out for fear of feeling like they’re butting in or speaking over someone else. In the best case they’re called on and share their thoughts. In the worst case those comfortable speaking up don’t notice or ignore the hand in the air so they can make their point. This may result in the person with the hand raised getting tired of waiting or the meeting ending with either of those situations resulting in them not having an opportunity to speak and add to the conversation.

I recently read somewhere that “sometimes people who don’t speak have the most to say.” This struck me as I thought about the number of groups I participate in at my firm and in professional and non-profit settings. The group dynamic. The three types of participants in groups. The important thoughts or opinions lost when the quieter members of a group doesn’t or isn’t able to speak up or have a turn.

Whether you’re a leader or a participant in a group it’s important to make sure all voices are heard. Focus on making sure those who raise their hand are called on to share. If it’s someone who doesn’t even raise their hand, call on them to participate and share their thoughts. The worst that can happen is they say their have nothing to add to the conversation. On the other hand, the best that can happen is an idea that hasn’t been mentioned is not lost.

If I make a misrepresentation to a client, opposing counsel, or a judge the reputation I have worked to build for years will be ruined in an instant. The same is true for you if you lie to people you do business with. Once you are caught in a lie, all of your truths become questionable.

Early in my career I heard an experienced attorney say “a half-truth equals a whole lie.” This is simple and there are no exceptions. Anything not one-hundred percent true is a lie. And note that it’s far easier to remember the truth than a lie.

Of course, at times, we all soften the truth to try not to hurt someone’s feelings. That is because some situations are more nuanced than others. I am not speaking to that type of situation. I’m speaking about your general day-to-day professional life in which your reputation is at stake.

You need to understand that honesty is part of your reputation. You may not be called out or caught every time you aren’t honest, but if it catches up to you it won’t be pretty. You will lose relationships or opportunities potentially including your then current employment. You will lose opportunities that will upset you. You also will lose opportunities you don’t even know you lost because they just don’t come your way as a result of your diminished reputation.

Trust is like your reputation in that it’s earned. The real difference is that people will assume you’re honest unless or until they believe you aren’t. If they think or hear you’re not, the chances of convincing them otherwise are slim.

It follows that once trust is lost it will either take longer than you want to imagine to earn it back if it even can be earned back. People you have professional relationships with may still deal with you (mainly if they have to, such as in the workplace), but it won’t be the same. Even if it feels like it, a lack of trust permeates relationships far into the future.

The old saying “think before you speak” is on point. Lying is a (bad) choice. whether you can call it embellishment or something similar, others will think you stretch the truth and not know what to believe. In all situations, lying makes the road forward in your career harder. On the other hand, telling the truth helps to build your reputation and creates the goodwill that makes people want to know and work with you.

If you compare your life with that of others around you, especially those you believe to be more successful or happy than you, you will be unhappy in your life. Teddy Roosevelt said “Comparison is the thief of joy” more than a century ago and it still rings true today. The point is to not be envious of others or, more accurately, of what you perceive the success or happiness of others to be.

Just because you think someone has a better job title or seems to have more money than you doesn’t mean it’s true. The person you view as a “higher up” may hate the position they are in or constantly be under high levels of stress. The person who seems to have money may be living on credit cards and other debt in a house of cards on the edge of a financial collapse. Not making assumptions is a topic for another day but definitely applies here.

Similarly, don’t be vindictive. Don’t try to get even. Doing so never is the right course of action. If you do try to get even, it reveals that the only one keeping score is you, and that you are the one losing. Plus, it takes time to build a good reputation and mere seconds to destroy it.

This leads to something else that is important. Do your best at whatever it is you do and let what happens happen. Do so in a way that is honest and allows you to look back with no regrets. If you don’t do this and instead step on others to lift yourself up, the person you “run over” may be the vindictive sort too. If that persons tries to get even it will waste your time and take your focus from the things you need to or would rather be focusing on.

Embracing the uniqueness of your own journey rather than constantly measuring it against others is a path for achieving or maintaining happiness. Comparing yourself to others only steals the joy you could find in your own achievements and experiences. Instead, try to reach and maintain a mindset of contentment in which you celebrate your successes and setbacks without the need for vindication. By focusing on yourself, you can stay the course on your own path without the shadows of comparison dimming your light.

Poor time management limits success more than most people realize. The people you work for, whether bosses or clients, will notice if you show up late or miss a deadline. When you do it reflects poorly on you and your company, and how you deal with being called out does too. If you struggle with punctuality, you need to fix that now.

Being casually late to a social event is acceptable, but being late to a business meeting isn’t. Showing up late to a business meeting sends a few different messages including that the meeting isn’t important or a priority or that other people or work is more important. None of these are good messages to send to co-workers or clients.

For attorneys, that business meeting may be with a client or a court hearing. It is a bad look to show up late for court and will affect the judge’s perception of you. With clients, they expect me to be on time for meetings and calls with them and on top of the deadlines in their matters. If I am not, in addition to whatever bad message it sends to the client on the importance of their matter to me, it could negatively affect my ability to achieve their desired goal or outcome. This will lead to the reality that someone who you do wrong is more likely to let many people know about their negative experience with you thereby negatively affecting your reputation.

For other lines of work, not being on time or meeting deadlines will affect promotions and raises, potential sales, or getting that new customer or client. Bosses and customers alike want people who do what they say they will when they said they will. Whatever your job, there are many others doing what you do and who will do what they say when they say. Differentiating yourself by not doing so will keep you stuck in place or, worse yet, out of a job.

If you struggle showing up on time or with other deadlines there are many tools at your disposal that can help. Every computer you use, from the desktop computer to your phone, has programs with alarms and reminders that alert you to upcoming meetings to deadlines. You can set these for what works for you or in relation to a specific deadline. This may mean a 5 minute warning before the start of a meeting or call or a two week lead time on the deadline for a big project you’re working on. The point is you can set one or more reminders and alerts depending on what works for you.

If you have challenges with this you know it and you can work on doing better. If this is you, work on what you can do to change generally and using the tools available to you. Doing so will provide you with the best chance at professional success.

Many people sugarcoat what they say to save other’s feelings. I think this is because most people shy aware from potentially confrontational conversations or don’t know how to effectively communicate something negative or that is constructive criticism. If you are unable or unwilling to have honest, hard conversations with your peers and employees it’s detrimental to your business. It also effectively trains the next generation of up and coming leaders to continue a work environment in which communicating about negative topics or trying to course correct doesn’t happen.

It reminds me of a quote from Zig Ziglar: “The only thing worse than training employees and losing them is not training them and keeping them.” This is true because if you can’t be honest with peers and employees, it becomes part of your company’s cultural. In such an instance your company likely is headed for lower results and isn’t a place employees will want to work long-term.

I have heard hard conversations referred to as “courageous conversations.” These types of hard or difficult conversations usually deal with performance issues, attitude issues, disagreements on important business issues, or the like. These conversations need to happen or your business will suffer. Importantly, they need to happen in a timely manner to have the best effect.

There is much information online and numerous books on this topic. The general gist is that as part of sharing negative information, you also must accentuate the positive. If you manage people you should spend time to learn about having hard conversations because they do not come naturally for most people. The goal is to make difficult conversations constructive and a benefit to you, the other person, and your business.

In having difficult conversations you can and should tailor what you are going to say based on who you’re speaking with. If it helps, practice what you plan to say or use an outline. If you instead default to sugarcoating important conversations and messages it will be part of your company’s culture, nothing will change, and opportunities will be lost.

Many attorneys (and I assume others) have this somewhat canned response when someone asks them how it’s going. It’s generally some version of “It’s another day” or “Different day, same stuff.” The message being communicated is that the day and stuff is the same, is a slog, and what they’re saying is negative in tone. They focus on the negative and not what they have to be positive about or grateful for. Maybe they truly feel that way. I feel at times that it’s some odd form of attorney bonding on the alleged misery of the work being done, their career choice, or maybe they think it rings more true than telling the other person they’re doing well and work is great.

Mindset and intention matter. Any of us can control our feelings and emotions in a manner that allows us to be happy or causes us to be sad. Know that statement has nothing to do with those who suffer from depression or a similar condition. Instead it has to do with the negative and positive loops we sometimes allow ourselves to spiral in. And yes, there is a cliché for this, which is about seeing the glass half empty or half full. Even if you’re a glass half empty person you likely have so much to be grateful for, from things you take for granted to things you know are great and bring you joy.

I am happy in my work and enjoy helping clients deal with both positive and negative situations looking towards the best result they can achieve. Despite that, when another attorney asks me how I’m doing I sometimes unconsciously lapse into the “it’s another day” mindset. I think it’s a commiseration thing with certain people I know. On some days it is a true answer. If I’m honest with myself, on most days it’s not and I feel lucky that’s the case. I like walking into my office and my work, clients, and co-workers.

A good exercise is to write a list of things you’re grateful for. It can be in your personal life, your professional life, or both. If you want to be transparent with yourself you can do the same on things that are negative in your life because, being honest, we all have positives and negatives going on everyday. Realizing what you have to be grateful for does positive things for your body and brain. And remember, you’re the only one who can decide whether you focus on positives or negatives on a given day or in a given moment.

Right now is a good time to take a moment to think about what you have to be grateful for and the next time someone asks you how you’re doing, provide the honest answer instead of unconsciously resorting to the canned negative one.

Inspiration can hit you anytime. When it does, you know it instantly. Many times it is inconvenient. When this happens, you have to take steps to not lose it.

It happens to me at different times and all the time. It can be in the middle of the night, when I’m at my desk working, when I’m in a conversation, or at what is likely a very inconvenient time. When it does I use the Notes app on my phone. Pen and  paper work, but your phone is with you all the time. You want access to those thoughts and notes and the app provides easy access. For me, if I don’t write down my thoughts at the time they come to me I usually lose them. That’s right, my moment of brilliance lost, possibly forever.

Just know you have to record your thoughts when the inspiration hits and revisit them. If not, the time you took to write them down will be wasted. Find a way to remind yourself to revisit inspiring thoughts when you have the time to really think them through. Otherwise you risk not acting on the thoughts that deserve further thought and action. Don’t lose that fantastic thing that popped into your brain.

If you don’t record your inspiration, it is like being a musician who didn’t record that melody that came into their head, and losing a possible hit. Or what if you are an author and you lose a great plot twist for the book you’re writing. We all have an equivalent masterpiece related to what we do for a living. Figuring out the steps you can take to make sure you do not lose your inspiration hopefully will prevent you losing your equivalent of a number one hit or best selling book.

What are  you doing right now? Are you focusing on reading these words, or do you have an eye on your email, texts, social media, or maybe all of them?  Or are you on the phone?  We all think we can do this and do it well, but the truth is we can’t. Real multi-tasking is not achievable.

When I am on the phone during the day, I can hear the keyboard and mouse clicks on the other end of the line. I try to be optimistic and think they are taking notes or looking up something relevant to the conversation. But the reality is they are checking email or surfing the internet. The true clue is when they ask you to repeat what you said multiple times during an 8 or 10 minute call.

The truth is that this is the same as looking at emails and texts while in a meeting or at lunch with someone. Doing so in a meeting means you’re checked out. If you are one who checks your phone while at coffee or lunch with someone you are telling them that they are not as important as whatever is on your phone. This isn’t a good message to send to anyone.

The fact is that it’s very hard to focus on two things (or more) at once. A good exercise is to try for a week to focus on what is in front of you. If you have a meeting, don’t bring your phone, leave it in your pocket or purse, or turn it off. Figure out what will work for you to focus on what’s in front of you. When you’re on the phone, leave that mouse alone and keep things that interest you off of the screens in front of you. Maybe get up and walk around the room instead of staring at your screens and trying not to check email or that webpage.

Remember that this is about respect for others and focus on the conversation. If you do so you will see that it’s amazing what you learn when you actually listen.

My dad died last week. Writing that I’m still in disbelief that it happened. Where I’m sitting now is so different than where I was a week ago. My dad was in the hospital supposedly on the road to recovery and I was deep in preparation for an arbitration hearing scheduled to start this week. Now I am sitting in my office with no dad and a cancelled arbitration hearing trying to support my mom and family, as well as my clients – yes, it’s good to other things to focus on while you grieve.

This is hard. Life is hard. You know this because we all deal with hard, frustrating, and sad events and moments. Maybe someone you’re close to passed away or you were laid off or fired. The list of things that happen that make life difficult at times is long and depends on the person.

No matter what you’re dealing with there are things you can do to help yourself. First, do not keep to yourself. Find others you know and trust to speak with and help you think through the situation, grieve with you, or otherwise be part of your way to process the situation and make your way through it. You may be able to get through it on your own but it will be easier for you if let others help you.

That being said, it is hard to let others in to help you. You may just want someone to listen or instead want thoughts and ideas on whatever you’re dealing with. Let them know what you need because people are inherently good and willing to help but it’s up to you to let them know how they can best help you.

I regularly say there is a good and bad with all. Despite the sadness of losing someone, let alone a parent, the good has been the connection and reconnection with family members and friends, some of whom I hadn’t spoken to in years. It also has been the kind words of people who knew my dad differently than I did. I have heard from professionals who knew and dealt with him for over 40 years before he retired to people who knew him socially or through organizations he was involved with. The kind words and seeing him through their eyes has been helpful and special. In some ways it made me miss him more.

What this experience has and is reminding me of is the importance of connection and letting people in to help. If you are struggling with something or grieving try to let someone in or if you know someone who is try to be the one who offers a helping hand, listens, and helps someone else through a hard time. It’s this shared experience that makes life amazing even during difficult times.