We’ve all heard countless times that listening is a lost art, an undervalued skill that could transform our businesses and relationships if only we’d slow down and truly hear what others are saying. Management books devote chapters to the practice of being present and attentive. And they’re right to do so—listening matters enormously. But while we’ve been busy diagnosing one side of the communication equation, we’ve completely overlooked its equally essential counterpart, which is candor.
We worry about hurting feelings, damaging relationships, or creating legal exposure. We’ve built entire industries around softening our words, from HR compliance training that teaches us to sandwich criticism between compliments to communication consultants who help executives say difficult things without actually saying them. The result is a business world where everyone talks endlessly but few people say what they actually mean.
What makes this particularly troubling is that candor and listening aren’t separate skills—they’re two sides of the same coin. Someone can be refreshingly direct, but if no one’s truly listening, that candor accomplishes nothing. We’ve created a peculiar dysfunction where we’ve trained people to listen better while simultaneously training them to speak less directly and honestly.
The irony is that most business issues involve a failure of candor rather than a failure of listening. What happens is that someone spotted the warning signs but didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news or disagreed with the strategy but went along to get along. These aren’t listening problems—these are candor problems.
If we’re serious about improving business communication, we need to recognize candor as a fundamental skill that can and must be developed. This means creating environments and cultures where direct but respectful speech is rewarded and where respectful disagreement is valued. This requires leaders to model candor themselves, even when it’s uncomfortable. By focusing on candor in addition to listening we create the opportunity to transform our businesses and relationships.
