Do you ever ask yourself this? You should. If you do, the answer should include all important aspects of your life.
The answer will be different for each of us. For one person it will be gaining a certain title or earning a certain amount of money. For someone else it may to train their dog to roll over. Or, maybe it’s a combination of both, because true success should be achieving your definition of success in your work and personal life.
This is balance. Whatever your definition of success is, it should involve balance. If your work life is a 10 and your personal life is a 2, or vice versa, there is a problem. If so, you need to work to figure out how to move towards balance.
I also think you need to define success by what matters to you and makes you happy, not others. This doesn’t mean you should ignore what others think, but it is only one consideration and may or may not fit within your definition.
And your definition of success will change over time. What is important to you at 28 is different than what will be important to you at 38 or 48. This is how life works.
It means you should revisit what success is to you on a regular
basis, because true success involves being happy and content in your ever
None of us are always right. Most times there is not a
“right” answer, but opinions. And no one’s opinions are anything more than
I am not speaking to core beliefs such as religion, though I think it’s healthy to question all ideas and belief systems. Here, I am talking about everyday tasks and ideas. It could be the best way to drive to a certain place or the best way to keep your calendar. We all could speak to these and support our positions, but each of us is wrong sometimes.
It doesn’t mean you’re not right a lot of the time, but it does mean you always should be questioning what you and others think. You should learn about topics you are interested in or need to know, such as for your work. Though the purpose is to learn, not to prove you are right. It feels good to be right, but what if the person you are speaking with just won’t agree with you? Hopefully you can just agree to disagree.
This is why it’s valuable to know a diverse group of people. If you live in a world where you are surrounded by people with similar backgrounds and beliefs, you are living in an echo chamber in which you never hear you may be wrong. This results in a false sense that what you think is always correct because those around you simply agree with what you say. This is similar to the participation trophy mentality that there are no losers.
Be open to others’ ideas and thoughts. Question them, but also question your own thoughts. This allows you to be a constant and lifetime learner, always trying to improve your knowledge and life, along those you interact with, as well as how you move through the world.
We are a few days out from Thanksgiving. In thinking about writing about being thankful or gratitude, I thought back to a post from last November. I can’t say it better, so here is my annual blog for the week of Thanksgiving.
This is a good time of year to think of gratitude generally and what you are thankful for specifically. At the same time, it’s a great time of year to spread good feelings, which you can do by letting others know when you appreciate something they have done for you.
Those of you who have younger children (or older ones…) know that you end up reminding them to say “thank you” all of the time. That is because thanking someone or showing gratitude is a learned behavior. If it came naturally or from observing others we wouldn’t have to teach children to do so.
Hopefully you remember to thank people as appropriate in your daily life. In my day, this can be thanking someone holding the door for me when I get to my office, for holding the elevator for me, or for making a pot of hot water so I can have tea and get that needed caffeine injection upon arriving for work. Many of these situations are universal to all of us, but I notice when I hold a door for someone and they walk through without saying anything.
Of course, if you go through your day looking for when people should be thanking you, you likely will be disappointed. Instead, I think about how I want to come across to others, as well as ways I don’t want to come across to others.
We all have bad days, but most days we should recognize when thanking someone is proper and appropriate. Plus, it has the added bonus of making you or the other person feel good, making it a great way to go through life.
It is good to get out of your comfort zone. What that means is different for each person. One person’s challenge is just a normal day for a different person. When you challenge yourself it is invigorating and makes life interesting.
Last weekend I did the Phoenix Summit Challenge with my friend Warren and my wife. It was multiple hikes, with seven summits and a total of 25 miles of hiking. My wife and I hike a lot, but not that long of hikes. I had never hiked 25 miles in one day, so this was a real challenge. I assumed I could do it, but you don’t know until you try.
It always seems easy to start a challenge, but once you get into it the real meat of it, the challenge really begins. Our challenge included hiking and driving – we figured out fast getting warmed up on the hikes and then cooling down on the drives between the hikes was in and of itself a challenge. But we made our way through any thoughts of not finishing and powered on.
Whatever your challenge is, when it gets tough you need the mental fortitude to stick with it. When it’s a physical challenge, you need your body to hold up, along with your mind. That’s where training and working towards goals comes into play. Try to come up with a plan leading up to your challenge to give you the best shot of success. This could be practicing chess for months before playing your friend who is really good, or putting in the miles if you are running a marathon.
The best part is finishing. Whether you win or lose the chess match, following through is the real test. In our case, it was finishing the last hike with a beer at the top of South Mountain even though a Ranger appeared next to us out of nowhere. The Ranger stood by us and said he would let us finish the beers because it was the day of the PSC and we had finished the challenge of the summits (we did have to hike back down, but the last summit was the feel good point of the day!). It was a great moment we will remember.
What is a challenge you are willing to work towards and try to complete? There has to be one. There likely are more. Take one at a time, make a plan and you will give yourself the best opportunity to complete your challenge. You will feel great when you get out of your comfort zone and complete the challenge or goal!
I have an old t-shirt from a concert I attended years ago. On the back it says “dream focused.” I hadn’t worn it in a while, but happened to pull it out this week. At the same time, I received an email from a friend who said I need to write about the power of dreaming. Coincidence? I say inspiration!
Dreaming is powerful. Whether as a child or now, dreaming can take you to another place, or place you on a path towards a goal. It involves curiosity. It also can be hard to do in the daily grind of life where we spend little time without someone or something (think cell phone, tablet, computer) in front of our face. When this happens the time to dream is lost.
I think that some of the best ideas or plans I come up with alone or with my wife happen when we are out of town. We generally are disconnected and have time to think of things not involving work, kids, or other daily concerns; our minds are free.
Once you free your mind, you may well find your body following. It could be to a new job or to start a business. It could be to change how you parent or deal with a troubled family member.
It’s a matter of being able to step back and have
perspective. Of course this can happen while you are slogging through your
everyday life, but it’s less likely. It also doesn’t mean you need to go out of
the country or do a cave in the woods. You can create the space needed to dream
and let your mind be free from routine in your home or hometown, but then you
have to be intentional to do so.
Maybe you need to go on a hike but not listen to a podcast
or listen to background music you won’t pay specific attention to (I used to do
this with long jams by the Grateful Dead or Phish, but that’s another story).
The idea is to create the space for your mind to drift and thoughts to come and
go until you latch onto something that intrigues you.
Dreaming is important and powerful, and opens you up to
opportunity. So dream big and then focus on how you move towards your dream
Everyone has implicit bias. The term “implicit bias” describes when we have attitudes towards people or associate stereotypes with them unconsciously. This can be on account of race, gender, sexual orientation, age – the list is longer than most people think and specific to each person. And this isn’t about being racist or sexist, it’s about the unconscious thoughts that come into our heads when we see someone walking down the street.
Implicit bias is difficult to change. We all need to try to be aware of our own implicit biases and be motivated to work on them; don’t make negative (or positive) assumptions about people just from seeing them walking towards you or standing on the side of the road. One idea is to analyze a situation before coming up with who you think that person is despite the unconscious thoughts that come into your head, let alone making a comment or taking action. Instead of going with your first feeling, focus and think about members of stereotyped groups as individuals by thinking of their specific word and actions, and how they differ from what you see as the stereotype.
One thing that results in implicit bias is when you surround yourself only with people who look, think, act and believe like you. Doing this results in you being in a vacuum in which what you think and feel are validated and any negative thoughts of other groups or types of people are reinforced. This happens a lot as most people are more comfortable in situations in which there is unlikely to be conflict.
Engaging with people who are different than you opens up your world. It doesn’t mean you have to change your belief system to align with people who are different than you. On the other hand, the opportunity should provide perspective and the chance to learn or even to agree not to agree in a respectful way. You don’t have to change your politics or religion if you speak with people with different beliefs, but you can and should treat them with respect. Doing so will open up your world to different people, ideas and the chance to looks at things from a different perspective.
I believe karma exists. Maybe it is an existential justice system, maybe not. It isn’t necessarily instant and may take a long time, but it happens. The rub is that you may never know it happens where you were wronged and are hoping for karmic retribution.
So what can you do to be on the right side of karma? Be
intentional in a positive way. This means to be intentional and positive in
what you do, what you say and how you act. There is a difference between
generosity and compassion as compared with cruelty or greed.
One idea is to be nice. You can’t do it all of the time, but only you control your mood and actions. And people appreciate dealing with nice people. Another thing you can do is to do the right thing. It makes a difference to others and will make you feel better about yourself.
This is about character and how you want to live your life. It may affect how you are viewed by others, but that shouldn’t be the focus; you should want to be a good person just because. There is truth in the statement that you get what you put out into the world. What do you want to get??
Everything is who you know is a true statement. This includes the company president and the janitor. You never know who will be important to you in the future or what that person may achieve. The company president may be important to you professionally, or maybe the janitor’s child had the same issue your child is having and has suggestions or connections that may help.
These are reasons to know many, people, as well as different types of people. Having relationships with a diverse set of people also can help you overcome implicit bias. Many times your relationships will take you farther and provide more opportunity than your brain. Don’t get me wrong, your brain can help you in life too, but sometimes you don’t get the chance to use your brain if a connection doesn’t provide the opportunity.
Make it a goal to expand your network and relationships. Don’t just make it numbers, but look for people from different backgrounds, types of work, etc. The more you nurture these types of relationships, the farther you will fly.
Life goes by fast. As you age, people around you get sick, are in accidents, and even pass away. If you don’t stop to do things you enjoy, you will end up in the next day and have missed a chance to do something you enjoy, even if just for a moment.
Life is full of wonder. Do you notice? Live each day in a way that you can look back and point to the moments that were good, or even amazing. How much better is that than looking back with regret? We are in control of our thoughts and feelings, but also of our actions.
Smile at strangers. By the way, it doesn’t matter whether they smile back, though most will. Little things like this make life fun. Also, you never know when the person you smiled at needed a pick me up and things like this make people feel good. It will make you feel good too. Little things like this add up to make life better and more enjoyable, and to connect people and create community.
I heard this somewhere and it stayed with me. Think about this and you will know it’s true. If you can’t execute, your ideas are useless. This may mean you need to work with other’s whose skill sets compliment yours, i.e, they are better with follow through and can execute. Or it may mean you need to work on your follow through and execution.
What to take from this is that it’s important to have self-awareness and know your strengths and weaknesses. This is the only way to assess what you need to work on. But know that working on your weaker skills may not help you. If not, you need to look to others to work with who are strong in areas you aren’t
The last thing you need to be is the person with seemingly
great ideas who can’t act on them. Or maybe you are great taking ideas and
turning them into action, but couldn’t come up with the type of ideas you like
to work on even if you tried.
You need to figure out your skill sets, those you need to
work on and then determine whether you can get there or not. It is okay not to
get there because that is part of learning your strengths and weaknesses. As
you learn about yourself, you can adjust so you can, whether alone or with the
help of others, make progress executing and moving towards your goals.